My daughter said she's using tik and dagga

It began for me the day my daughter came to tell my wife, my son and I that she had been using Tik and Dagga with her boyfriend. My reaction was one of anger and frustration because I had warned her about her relationship with this man. I never realised then how her abuse of Tik and her relationship with her boyfriend would impact on me and my family.

Anger, lies, theft…

We went through a very difficult few months.

I confronted the boyfriend, who had taken full control of our daughter’s life, triggering feelings of hate, anger, frustration and powerlessness in me. One early morning when I had to collect her from his place as she had not returned home the previous evening, he shouted abuse at me. I spoke to his mother and also warned him to stay away from my family.

During this period I found out my daughter had sold her new cell phone. And then - the most painful and embarrassing experience – that she was stealing from me….digital camera, CD’s, DVD’s, books, amongst other things… items which you have cherished because they were given to you as gifts or bought with your hard-earned money. I had to visit Cash Converters and Cash Crusaders on several occasions to retrieve some of my possessions. I even had my daughter arrested for stealing and selling my things. I withdrew the charge after she promised to go for rehabilitation, a promise she never kept at that time.

Getting help for us…

On the advice of a friend I started attending NARANON family support group meetings.

It was not easy initially because I was left with mixed feelings. I had to listen to the sad stories of other people. I became even more depressed when told that drug addiction is a lifelong disease – do I have to be saddled with a drug addict for the rest of my life?

But as time went by I discovered we were not alone with this problem. I also discovered that there is hope in the various support systems and people around us. I found strength in God and through His grace and mercy I discovered real purpose in life. There was a time when I was in conflict with God and questioned Him about this addiction of my daughter and its impact on our lives. He reminded me that He would not give me a cross that is too heavy to carry. The well-known 12-steps gave me a greater understanding of addiction and how to forgive and to accept the challenge and the journey ahead.

Recovery and rehabilitation…

I think my daughter’s recovery started that first day when she came to tell us about her involvement in drugs.

This was a cry for help and we did not exactly comprehend the situation and implications then. Recovery and rehabilitation must take place for the addict and the rest of the family.

I did not hesitate to speak to relatives, friends and colleagues who listened and gave advice and encouragement. I came to realise that the addict and my family could not tackle this problem alone. We had to reach out to support systems. The Cape Town Drug Counselling Centres have been a pillar of strength. My daughter also went for a three-month period of inpatient treatment. They recommended she attend as many meetings as she could after discharge. The addict needs to be supported all the way.

What is happening now…

At the time of writing I have just held a family meeting to discuss my daughter’s latest relapse. It did not go well.

My son feels we are going around in circles and getting nowhere. We hear the same excuses again and again. My wife is very agitated about the addict’s reluctance to undergo weekly drug testing. My daughter is also reluctant to go to NA meetings. I feel she has a low self image and must go back for further counselling. She is the only one who can break this life-threatening habit.

Trying to understand the addict is the most difficult thing to do. She will behave rationally for weeks and then suddenly everything changes… a reason is found for using substances again. When using again she goes into a spiral and finds it hard to stop.

I find it difficult to comprehend. I feel pity and it is painful to witness a beautiful life being destroyed like this. When will she come to her senses... when it is maybe too late…