I was a tik addict

I am 26 years old and have two wonderful kids. I have been in recovery just over a year. Before recovery my life was pretty messed-up. Although I didn’t want to admit it, I know now that I was in the gutter.

When I was using Tik I didn’t really care about anything – not my kids and not myself. I thought I had everything in the world but I didn’t. My life was built around gangsters and drugs and I loved it. I used to date a gangster and for me it was cool. He used to hit me and even threatened to kill me, but that didn’t make me leave him or stop taking drugs. I know now that at that time I did not really have a life.

I did not have proper clothes and sold most of my own and my kids’ clothing, just to feed my Tik habit.

My mom and I used to fight a lot because of my using, but I never thought that drugs were the problem – I always blamed my mom for everything. She even threw me out of home and called the cops on me. I spent a month in jail but that did not stop me using. I lied, stole and manipulated my way through everything. What is still hard for me to think about today is the fact that I robbed people in the street, and I can’t make amends to them.

A year ago I went into treatment and I was so fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life. People I used to steal from and lied to many times have helped me in my recovery. My life today is much better than it was. I attend NA and feel I have a new family and new friends. The 12-step program has helped me a lot and I have a wonderful sponsor whom I can call if I feel like using drugs. I am also still attending the Cape Town Drug Counselling Centres and I love it.

Looking back I can say that I don’t want to be in that lonely dark place anymore. I still have a lot of problems but I don’t have to use drugs. Sometimes I miss Tik but I can’t use – if I used my life would get unmanageable, just one hit and my life would be over. I don’t know what else to say, but recovery is worth living.